An ANGRY Spousal Rant

BIG argument in our house Tuesday night – not just big, but UGLY! I don’t know where I got this silly ass idea that adults fight fair (a skill I’m certain we all learned as children), but after dealing with DH for the past four years, I can tell you that isn’t the case.

This argument started because I (in a calm and rational voice) asked DH, “Are we going to talk to a marriage counselor or are we going to just walk around here pretending like everything is fine?” When he gave me a short, “I suppose we should” response, I reminded him that *he* really needed to take the initiative in finding a counselor. It was, up to that point, a CONVERSATION – then the shit hit the fan.

By the time I finally settled down and lay in bed (did not sleep, just laid there), I had been called an idiot, a bitch and, my favorite, a cunt (along with “just like my ex-wife”). I was told what a shitty parent I was, how I lived in some fantasy world of marriage, and that sex once every three months, at our age (43 and 45) is “normal.” That was the stuff that wasn’t so bad …

He was far angrier than I have ever seen him – angry enough that I was concerned about my safety and the safety of my son. I had reason to believe that he was going to take the $$ in our joint savings account (for October’s bills) so that I wouldn’t be able to pay the mortgage/utilities. I decided I had better get my hands on it first, and made a transfer out of our joint savings to my personal checking, with every intention of handling the household expenses (as I always do). This brought on a barrage of “threatening” emails, which I’ve decided to share. *note* I've left his mispellings in place as I found it ironic that he didn't bother to use spell check.

DH: why are we short $X,XXX in the joint savings account?

ME: It's not missing ... just moved (and fully intact)

Based on your actions and words last night and this morning, I was concerned that it would be removed from the account and that there would be nothing to pay the mortgage and bills with on the 1st.

DH: put the damn money back and leave it in the joint account. don't do this again! that is such bull shit!

ME: You are right - it *IS* bullshit, but it ISN'T about jerking your chain - it's about making sure that Cam and I have a roof over our head for the next 30 days. I have no idea what your intentions are but I have never seen you as I did last night and this morning.

DH: put the money back... now. I will not be held hostage with my own money. your treading on thin ice here Dana, thats not YOUR money, it's OURS!

ME: I have every intention of paying OUR household bills with OUR money - the money that was transferred. But you have to remember that with the exception of the mortgage (in both of our names), every other household bill is in *MY* name.

And how am I holding you hostage? Are you wanting the money so that you can leave now - to hell with Cam and me? This isn't about getting back at you or pushing your buttons - that is the LAST thing I want to do right now - it's about protecting Cam. You know you'd do the same if you thought it might be the only thing keeping a roof over your daughter’s head!

DH: the money BELONGS in the joint account, not YOUR personal account. I went out to transfer money from MY savings account to MY checking account and noticed $X,XXX missing from the JOINT account. It looks exactly like what Debbie did for 9 years... if you want the bills out of YOUR name than do it and stop whining... get a grip and stop the petty crap, your getting more and more paranoid every day. you seem to be on a mission to drive me out and at the rate your going you will successfully complete this mission.. soon. we are rapidly approaching a point of no return.. I'm beginning to question whether I can trust you... you appear to be intentionally escalating an already volitale situation, your actions scream ??????? all of this drama over an arguement... you dump on me last night and drop the councelor responsibility solely on me!? put the money back into the joint account today... or I'll will have to take your refusal to mean you want a divorce. action speak louder than words...


After this LOVELY bantering back and forth, I decided to compromise (a foreign word to DH) and transferred PART of the money back to the joint account – keeping in my personal account the $$ necessary to pay the utility bills which are in my name.

He walks in the door at about 8:30 last night – didn’t say a SINGLE word to either Cam or me, nor would he even look in our direction. He immediately went to his home office and closed the door, not coming out until I went upstairs at 10:30. I get up this morning, get ready for work, he leaves for work and still no acknowledgement that I am even in the house (not such a bad thing, actually)

I come in to work this morning and find the following email sent to my WORK email address, from his HOME computer, at 9:56 last night.

DH: Thank you, I was never going to take the money to begin with. I really was just transferring money from my savings to my checking, that's the only reason I noticed the joint savings balance. I Do Love You,


WTF?? You are kidding me, right?? What possible definition could this “man” have for love that would include everything he had said and done in the 24 hours prior? And why the hell would he send an email when I was sitting not more than 30 feet away from him?? Who would be doing the “petty crap” here??? ARGH!