Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.' ~ Bill Maher

27 years ago ...

It seems I should have let it go - moved on

But still, the images - the feelings - the sounds - the smells - they stay strong

It was the day my naivety was lost

The day I knew that "I love you" didn't mean "I'll always be here for you"

The day it was reinforced that I would never be "good enough"

How I wish it didn't still have such a grasp on me

If I Don't Write It, You Won't Know It

This title has been sitting in my drafts for 72 hours.

I've been trying to gather the desire gumption courage to lay it all out here.

Life has been testing me for a very, VERY long time, and although I still have hope that it will get better, I'm starting to realize than hope is waning and will be gone soon.

Things are excellent with Mike.

Things are irritating and frustrating at work.

Things are dragging with the divorce (although husband was beyond ready to get this divorce over, he is dragging his feet and delaying this process any way he can).

Things with Cam? Well ...

As they (I cannot seem to find a source) say,

A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child

And my child is beyond miserable.

Legal issues in the juvenile court system.

Legal issues in the adult court system.

No working car.

A job that ends in two weeks and no prospect for employment.

The final break-up of his 5-year relationship with his girlfriend.

And homelessness effective September 1st as Mike and I leave Podunk.

There's more, but I just don't have the energy to write it out now.

I'm using all of my energy just to get through each day with that proverbial *glimmer* still in place ...

Sunday Stealing - 13 Things

1. Outside my window…
  Is a big, BIG world that I cannot see ... but I know it's there!

 2. I am thankful…
  For Mike. He has brought a level of balance and acceptance to my life that I never knew existed.

 3. In the kitchen…
  Is a sink full of dishes that need to be done.

 4. I am wearing…
  Really soft pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.

 5. I am creating…
  A life after raising my son, and it's exciting!

 6. I am going…
  To hell if I don't change my ways (which I don't plan on doing).

 7. I am reading…
  Blogs via my Feedly.

 8. I am learning…
  That life isn't often as well compartmentalized as I'd like it to be.

 9. I am pondering…
  My next career move.

 10. A favorite quote…
  People confuse bluntness with bitchiness. ~ JULIA STILES

 11. One of my favorite things…
  Are fresh flowers, no matter if they are from a florist, or picked from the side of the road.

 12. A few plans for the rest of the week…
  Plans? I'm supposed to have plans?I'm winging it!

 13. A peek into my day…
  Would probably bore you to tears ...