30 March 2011
Real Live Lesbian?
~*~*~
His timing couldn't have been better - I had just read an article titled "Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations" (linked on twitter by @danteshepherd) that talked about people's need to label sexuality as either or - either straight or gay/lesbian.
I've talked about my sexuality on this blog before. When people demand I put myself in a box, I (begrudgingly) go with bi-sexual. I say begrudgingly because I don't like labels ... AT ALL. And as I spend some time toying with the idea of becoming comfortable in my own skin, I've discovered I hate them even more.
Way back when, Lynn (Real Live Lesbian) wrote a post about being "Fashionably Bi" I remember the post well. My comment was:
For those of you not familiar with the Kinsey Scale, it is based on the notion that sexuality is not all either/or - that there is fluidity in sexual preference rather than nice, neat little boxes that everyone fits in to.
Me? I'm a 3 ... and I think I'm a pretty true 3. Just as I am not attracted to people of a specific race/ethnicity, neither am I attracted to people of a specific gender. I can love, care for and be passionate with men and women ... equally. Although I have had long-term relationships with women in the past, the last 20 years I've confined myself to the heterosexual side of the scale.Yes, attitudes surrounding sexuality have become much more open in the past 20 years, but being straight is still a lot easier than being gay/lesbian/bi.
So, why did I have such a strong reaction to Matt's "Why don't you just become a lesbian?" question?
Two reasons ...
One, I don't think one "becomes" a lesbian. I know ... I know ... it's semantics, but I found it bothersome that someone I consider a dear friend had (or at least appeared to have) such archaic views on sexuality (this is where Matt will tell me I am one of those people who take twitter too seriously *shrugs*).
Two, I'm not a lesbian. If you want to label me or put me in a box, at least get the right damn label/box. This is not a phase (I've been this way as long as I can remember), I am not confused (at least not about my sexuality, but I am confused by why others seem so confused by it) and this isn't an excuse to be promiscuous (although I believe a polyamorous relationship would better suit me, having more partner options does not make me more promiscuous). I am bi-sexual and don't need to "become" anything else.
Now, all of that said, I do think Matt has a point - I need to stop confining myself to the heterosexual side of the Kinsey Scale and be more open to where my true sexuality lies.
It's all part of becoming comfortable in my own skin ...
Soooo ... last night, I'm minding my own business on twitter, saying goodnight to a few folks as they logged off for the night, including one of my female followers to whom I promptly gave *sloppy wet kisses* as part of her good night.
I do this frequently (flirting is "safe" on twitter) to both men and women, but for some reason my tweet last night resulted in the following exchange from @MattManWIR:
I do this frequently (flirting is "safe" on twitter) to both men and women, but for some reason my tweet last night resulted in the following exchange from @MattManWIR:
His timing couldn't have been better - I had just read an article titled "Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations" (linked on twitter by @danteshepherd) that talked about people's need to label sexuality as either or - either straight or gay/lesbian.
I've talked about my sexuality on this blog before. When people demand I put myself in a box, I (begrudgingly) go with bi-sexual. I say begrudgingly because I don't like labels ... AT ALL. And as I spend some time toying with the idea of becoming comfortable in my own skin, I've discovered I hate them even more.
Way back when, Lynn (Real Live Lesbian) wrote a post about being "Fashionably Bi" I remember the post well. My comment was:
I think there *is* a "fashionably bi" segment of the population. My experience is that they tend to be women (generally under 30) who know this is a turn-on for men AND women and since society is far more accepting of it, they "toy" with it for a period of time.
I also think there is a rather significant population of women generally over 30) who fall somewhere in the 4/5 range of the Kinsey scale, but who have "settled" for a heterosexual relationship to meet the traditional wife/mother expectations of society.
For those of you not familiar with the Kinsey Scale, it is based on the notion that sexuality is not all either/or - that there is fluidity in sexual preference rather than nice, neat little boxes that everyone fits in to.
Me? I'm a 3 ... and I think I'm a pretty true 3. Just as I am not attracted to people of a specific race/ethnicity, neither am I attracted to people of a specific gender. I can love, care for and be passionate with men and women ... equally. Although I have had long-term relationships with women in the past, the last 20 years I've confined myself to the heterosexual side of the scale.Yes, attitudes surrounding sexuality have become much more open in the past 20 years, but being straight is still a lot easier than being gay/lesbian/bi.
So, why did I have such a strong reaction to Matt's "Why don't you just become a lesbian?" question?
Two reasons ...
One, I don't think one "becomes" a lesbian. I know ... I know ... it's semantics, but I found it bothersome that someone I consider a dear friend had (or at least appeared to have) such archaic views on sexuality (this is where Matt will tell me I am one of those people who take twitter too seriously *shrugs*).
Two, I'm not a lesbian. If you want to label me or put me in a box, at least get the right damn label/box. This is not a phase (I've been this way as long as I can remember), I am not confused (at least not about my sexuality, but I am confused by why others seem so confused by it) and this isn't an excuse to be promiscuous (although I believe a polyamorous relationship would better suit me, having more partner options does not make me more promiscuous). I am bi-sexual and don't need to "become" anything else.
Now, all of that said, I do think Matt has a point - I need to stop confining myself to the heterosexual side of the Kinsey Scale and be more open to where my true sexuality lies.
It's all part of becoming comfortable in my own skin ...
~*~*~
28 March 2011
Chance
~*~*~
Cam is many things - creative, artistic, athletic and quite musically talented. He's also a typical high school freshman - oozing with attitude, entitlement and, of course, he is all knowing. He pushes boundaries and is a pain in the ass more often than not. He is a typical teenager in many ways.
Last week, his artwork was selected for display in the annual Chicago Area Alternative Education League art fair. He was one of eight students from his therapeutic day school whose art work was submitted for the art fair competition.
You know, Cam's freshman year of high school has been anything but typical. There have been no homecoming dances, no spirit weeks, no after school clubs. I didn't imagine his high school experience would look anything like this. I had different dreams. And sometimes? That really sucks.
But not today.
This is his artwork that was displayed in the art fair - the art fair that he didn't tell me about, that he refused to attend with me, but that he secretly wanted me to go to as was evident by the pride in his voice when I finally got a hold of him to find out which piece of art was his.
Side story. I really wanted to get a photo of his artwork but the artwork didn't list the artists names to eliminate any bias in this judged event. Cam told me nothing about his artwork other than it was a watercolor. Fortunately, his painting was one of only five paintings submitted from his school, and one of only three water colors. I had to guess which was his and guessed right, which is good since he didn't respond to my calls and texts until after I left the venue.
When I got home, I asked him about the painting - what inspired him - why he called it "Chance"
He told me he did the painting in art therapy on his friend Carlos' last day at the therapeutic day school before transitioning back to his home school. The rainbow represented the happy ending - going back to a "normal" school. The black line through the rainbow was Carlos' journey.
When I asked Cam about the drops of gray and black sprinkled throughout the painting he said, "Those are my tears. I'll miss Carlos but I'm glad he gets to go back to his real school."
And the reason he called the painting "Chance"? Carlos got his chance to chase his rainbow.
Today? I realize that my dreams are not Cam's dreams, no matter how much I might want them to be, and I feel a tremendous amount of pride in recognizing that my son's dreams have much more substance than mine for him ever did.
Cam is many things - creative, artistic, athletic and quite musically talented. He's also a typical high school freshman - oozing with attitude, entitlement and, of course, he is all knowing. He pushes boundaries and is a pain in the ass more often than not. He is a typical teenager in many ways.
Last week, his artwork was selected for display in the annual Chicago Area Alternative Education League art fair. He was one of eight students from his therapeutic day school whose art work was submitted for the art fair competition.
You know, Cam's freshman year of high school has been anything but typical. There have been no homecoming dances, no spirit weeks, no after school clubs. I didn't imagine his high school experience would look anything like this. I had different dreams. And sometimes? That really sucks.
But not today.
This is his artwork that was displayed in the art fair - the art fair that he didn't tell me about, that he refused to attend with me, but that he secretly wanted me to go to as was evident by the pride in his voice when I finally got a hold of him to find out which piece of art was his.
Side story. I really wanted to get a photo of his artwork but the artwork didn't list the artists names to eliminate any bias in this judged event. Cam told me nothing about his artwork other than it was a watercolor. Fortunately, his painting was one of only five paintings submitted from his school, and one of only three water colors. I had to guess which was his and guessed right, which is good since he didn't respond to my calls and texts until after I left the venue.
When I got home, I asked him about the painting - what inspired him - why he called it "Chance"
He told me he did the painting in art therapy on his friend Carlos' last day at the therapeutic day school before transitioning back to his home school. The rainbow represented the happy ending - going back to a "normal" school. The black line through the rainbow was Carlos' journey.
When I asked Cam about the drops of gray and black sprinkled throughout the painting he said, "Those are my tears. I'll miss Carlos but I'm glad he gets to go back to his real school."
And the reason he called the painting "Chance"? Carlos got his chance to chase his rainbow.
Today? I realize that my dreams are not Cam's dreams, no matter how much I might want them to be, and I feel a tremendous amount of pride in recognizing that my son's dreams have much more substance than mine for him ever did.
~*~*~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)