05 April 2011



Got little bits of stuff hanging around and need to get them of of my brain. Writing them down will do the trick, right? Right??


Had a bit of a "blow up" with "husband" this weekend. Let me preface this by saying in a recent discussion with him, he told me to start asking for help when I needed it - to quit being so proud and stubborn. I took him for his word

Last week he offered to cover $180 worth of car repairs on the Cavy. I took him up on his offer. This weekend? He called and left a (lengthy and nasty) voice mail complaining that the only time I want anything to do with him is when he's shelling out money.

There is some truth to that.

Needless to say I'll be paying him back every last penny of the $180 and I will not take him at his word again ... at least not when it involves money.


I've been thinking a lot about what would happen to my cyber-self should anything happen to my physical self. I am in a somewhat (I think) odd place. The people who would be contacted should I become seriously ill ... or worse ... have no idea that I blog or tweet.

Do any of you have a similar situation? And a solution??


Speaking of things happening to my physical self, if you follow me on twitter you know that I had a fairly significant eye injury yesterday - two large corneal abrasions on my left eye.

It was kind of a strange situation. I woke up Thursday morning, put in my contacts and headed to the gym at 5AM. I had some problems with my left contact - had to take it out and put it back in again - but nothing I haven't had happen i the past.

During my workout I noticed that my left eye was getting a little cloudy. Again, nothing that hasn't happened in the past. Went home and took out my contact ... and then all hell broke loose.

The pain was unbearable. It felt like someone had emptied a dump truck of sand in my eye. It was extremely sensitive to light and I lost all but light/dark vision in that eye. It scared the hell out of me.

By about 7AM I knew I had to get to the doctor, but I also knew there was no way I could drive myself (the doctor is a 20 mile drive from Podunk). I didn't have anyone that I could call. Let me say that again - I DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE THAT I COULD CALL. I have never felt such a complete sense of being invisible and alone.

I broke down and called "husband" although I figured he had already left for work and would likely not take my call anyway ('cause that's how he rolls). I left a voice mail ... and then I panicked.

Thank goodness for a few of you who talked me down from the ledge.

As it turned out, "husband" had overslept and was in the shower when I called. When he got the message he immediately called me back and was at the apartment in 10 minutes to take me to the doctor. He stayed with me at urgent care, then took me to the optometrist after urgent care released me.

I hated every moment of having to depend on him, but also realized just how limited my options were. I was torn between being grateful he was there, and being angry that I am here.

Life has a funny way of teaching lessons sometimes.


Lessons? Yeah, I received another one in a recent discussion, that was then repeated by someone else in an email. I was described as having:

... typical Dana "I'm not good enough for anybody, they'll end up not liking me anyway, I'll push 'em away now" rubbish.

It made me realize just how frustrating I must be for people who care about me.



Mike said...

"..similar situation? And a solution?" Yes - No

What actually happened to your eye?!

Osbasso said...

As I found out during my ICU visit, it didn't take any time at all for the word to get out. But that's because my sister jumped on the bandwagon pretty quickly. I suspect that you just need that 'one' to get the word out. Then again, back when Betcha was killed in 2007, none of us would have known if it hadn't been a friend of hers who called one of us. Obviously there was some sort of plan in place (including the confiscation of computers and hard drives). I don't know what the sure-fire notice would be that would work for everybody...

k bare said...

if you don't have one person that you trust in real life with this task
you can go backwards -
trust one person online
with a phone number of someone in real life
agree upon a procedure
if you don't hear from me for 2 weeks - or whatever you are comfy with

then have him/her call someone

you can just let your physical computer etc...alone - or have that person give instrustions to the one you almost trust IRL
after all - at that point........the game is different

or you can just let the online person post on your blog what happened - getting the information by saying they were a pen pal for some sort of support group or somthing.....

i've done both at one time or another

Joker_SATX said...

I understand exactly where you are coming from. My wife sometimes still wants to depend on her ex...especially when her ex uses the kids to his advantage. Then I cringe when the bill comes due.

So sorry to hear about your eye. Trust me, if you were here I would drop everything to help out.

Dana said...

Mike, You need a solution, so that I can steal it. And there was a ninja battle in my eye ;)

Osbasso, I think it might be time to enlist the help of a long-time, trusted cyber friend. Hmmm ... you interested?? :)

Dana said...

k bare, Don't know why I hadn't considered going the opposite direction, and I think I might even have someone who'd be willing to do that!

Joker_SATX, I won't lie - I had a moment (a long one) where I realized just how little there is for me here, and how much more there could be for me should I move forward ... in a southerly direction!

Jay said...

I've been in that spot before. I thought of people I could call, but didn't want to bother them. Then later, they were actually mad that I didn't call them.

As for cyber self? I've actually thought about that too. I have a file on my laptop leaving instructions which include who to contact first.

Northwest Nance said...

I have been seriously thinking about putting a list of things like my online journal, my accounts, bank info, etc. along with account numbers and passwords, and putting them in a sealed envelope to give to my daughter, to be opened in the event of my untimely demise. Then she would know who my online friends and family are so she could contact them.

Sujomi said...

I don't access twitter for a couple of days and I miss everything!!!!! Hope your eye is feeling better - I am quite familiar with the "ice pick" in the eye feeling when it comes to contacts. Ouch.

snugs said...

I am just curious, you say you do not have close friends in real life, but you have plenty of online aquaintences that appear to always be ready to come to bat for you when the need arises as much as they can via the web. Wonder what would happen to those online relationships if they were to become friendships in person. Do you have any that have? That is other than that time you and the matt boy got carried away..Do you push them away like you keep the distance with your family and those that try to care about you? I know you have missed your trolls, but this is not a bash or dig at you, I am simply wondering if you would have better success when the trust and friendship is cultivated online first and then introduced in person.

Raquel's World said...

I would gladly switch with you. I have too many people all up in my biz. And lord, last time I got sick they came in groups to "check on me" which was sweet and I am grateful. I really felt the love, but sometimes you just wanna be left alone. And I never can be. But if I was alone I guess I'd be wishing for more attention.
As for my personal and online life....very similar. I even post my blog posts to my fb page. It is a problem sometimes b/c I can't say some things I may wanna b/c the people it involves read my posts but...I am an open book and usually if I have written it down I have already said it to you anyway.