Moving On

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It's been just short of 3 years since I left husband. In that 3 years, the family home has been in limbo - still filled with all of the things that represent who we were supposed to be.

You might remember that husband was insistent that he was not going to pay the mortgage on a home that he was not living in. Rather than fight, I chose to let him and the three cats live happily ever after in a 3,200 square foot abode while I move myself and Cam to a small 2-bedroom apartment. I thought husband was being ridiculous and selfish, but I wanted out more than I wanted to fight.

Selling the house hasn't been an option. We purchased it right before the real estate bubble burst - we aren't just upside-down on the house, we are upside-down and backwards, and my VA loan benefit is tied to it. A foreclosure or short sale would result in obliterating the likelihood of my ever owning a home again.

About 8 months ago, and after listening to husband bitch about living in a 3,200 square foot abode with 3 cats, I suggested that he consider renting the home out - becoming a landlord. That would allow him to move closer to his work (he's got a 90 minute commute each way), reduce his living expenses, and preserve my VA loan benefit as we wouldn't have to sell the house at a loss.

There was one little hiccup in the plan.

The house is filled with stuff - husband's stuff - my stuff - Cam's stuff. 

Lots of STUFF.

I have no storage in my apartment. I've put off moving the stuff out of the house for as long as I possibly can. Anything that I decide to keep will need to be put in a storage unit, and my budget doesn't allow for more than a closet sized storage unit.

That means I have to make some difficult decisions.

I have to pick and choose which memories to donate - which memories to trash - and which memories mean enough to me that I am willing to pay for storing them long term.

I am starting the process this morning.

I've committed to 4 hours with husband today. Although the process would be easier without him there, he is concerned that I might take something that is his.

Whatever ...

If that isn't bad enough, I'm terrified that I am going to toss or donate something that I want to keep and lose the memory.

This is more difficult than I thought it would be - than it should be - but it's time.