~*~
This past month, all of my old-fashion, tube TVs were carted off to the dumpster, replaced by Mike's high tech, HDTV flat-screens.
The headboard I rescued from the dumpster and the IKEA dresser I so diligently constructed? Those are gone too, replaced by a beautiful bedroom suite Mike had delivered to the apartment on Friday.
Due to my fear of abandonment (I fundamentally believe I am unworthy of love - unlovable - and that once anyone finds out "who I really am," they will reject me) and my overwhelming need to control everything in my environment (a fear-based survival technique I learned from growing up in alcohol-fueled, dysfunctional chaos), I always have a Plan B.
When I was 10, I kept track of grocery prices - figuring out how I could feed myself on $5/week just in case my dad finally kicked me out of the house for being less than perfect. I saved a portion of my allowance until I had $20 saved up for just such an emergency.
When I was 15, I used that $20 - plus Christmas money - to purchase a Greyhound bus ticket to Spokane, and to support myself for a few days while I worked on figuring out where I was going to live after it became clear it was no longer safe to live in my parent's home.
Plan B is critical.
Plan B is a "Get Out Of Jail FREE" card.
Plan B is self-preservation.
I always have a Plan B.
I don't have one this time.
And I feel terrifyingly out of control.
~*~
4 comments:
I've never had a Plan B.
Of course, I've never had a Plan A either.
Yep,I never comment but this
time I will. It sounds like the only Plan B you will be needed in your life forward is this one.
http://www.planbburger.com/flash.html.
The most appropriate one is located on Railroad Street too!.....
You might want to swing by on your East Coast trip this summer.
Best of luck to you.
I'm sure there's a Plan B lurking in the back of your head, but for now, relax and enjoy that Plan A is working.
The good thing about a plan is that it can be made at any time.
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