14 May 2012

Behind The Secret

~*~
  
Soooo ... about yesterday's secret ...

Yes, it's true (I think). There are so many inconsistencies in this situation that occasionally I allow myself to entertain the idea that it's all one big teen drama event rather than something I actually have to deal with.

Except that I don't have the luxury of approaching this from an "I'm not sure" perspective because if I'm wrong, the consequences are life altering.

Here is what I do know
  • Late March/early April - Cam started dating a new girl
  • May 4th - Cam told me his GF is pregnant and that he might be the baby-daddy. Remember he-who-jumped-out-of-the-car? He was dating this girl before Cam and is the other possible baby-daddy. I talked to Cam and his GF and told them (her) they (she) had a decision to make. That I would support whatever decision was made and that if they (she) decided on abortion, I would cover the cost and provide transportation. I told them time was critical and they needed to make a decision by May 6th
  • May 8th - After hearing nothing, I asked them both what their (her) decision was. GF told me, "I don't want to kill it." I asked her if she had told her mom that she was pregnant. She assured me she had. I explained that I supported her decision, but there would be ZERO financial support from Cam or me until paternity was established
  • May 9th - I received a text from Cam (he was at school) telling me his GF had changed her mind - she now wanted to have an abortion. That night I spoke with them again, explained that she would need her insurance information and would need to make an appointment the next day as time was critical.
  • May 11th - Cam told me his GF was coming over at 11:30AM Saturday and they needed a ride to Planned Parenthood. After he decided he was going to spend the night at a friend's house, I learned that she still had not called for an appointment. I let Cam know that this was not a walk-in procedure, she needs to make an appointment. I also told Cam that I wanted her to take a pregnancy test at our house before I took her to Planned Parenthood. This request turned into a screaming match and Cam stating he would not let her take a pregnancy test at our house.
  • May 12th - Cam's GF did not show up until 12:30 and still had not made an appointment. I explained there was no possible way to have the abortion that day without an appointment.
  • May 13 - Cam told me that GF cannot make an appointment until she finds out what her mom's schedule is because she is grounded and cannot go anywhere after school. Confused, I suggested that maybe GF's mom is NOT aware of the pregnancy and I told him that if his GF did not make an appointment with Planned Parenthood on Monday, I was going to have to get her mom involved (Mike did some sleuthing on the internet and found the mom's name and phone number).
What I don't know
  • If the GF is actually pregnant. She told Cam she went to the doctor on May 3rd for a pregnancy test, but can't explain how she did that without transportation (her mother did not take her). This, in conjunction with the refusal to take a pregnancy test before going to Planned Parenthood have me wondering about her story
  • If GF's mom knows she's pregnant. GF insists she does, but I find it a bit odd that her being grounded supersedes her mom allowing her to go to Planned Parenthood to have an abortion
  • If Cam is even remotely a baby-daddy possibility. He-who-jumped-out-of-the-car (baby-daddy v2) was dating Cam's (now) GF in February/March/April. He is now in in-patient drug rehab. I find it convenient that Cam and his GF started dating as soon as he-who-jumped-out-of-the-car went to rehab, and the pregnancy was not confirmed until he was gone.
To say that I am STRESSED OUT about this situation is an understatement. It is not what I want for any 17-year old girl, my son, or anyone else (i.e. ME) involved. The chances of them being good parents, being able to support a child, and completing their education are slim to none, yet there seems to be no urgency on either of their parts to terminate the pregnancy while that is still an option.

I have procrastinated getting the other parents (GF's and baby-daddy v2) involved, mostly from a very selfish perspective. I am embarrassed and angry that my son got himself in this predicament. I don't want to be the parent everyone blames. I don't want my first contact with the GF's mother to be a phone call that starts out with, "Are you aware your daughter is saying she is pregnant?"

That said, my current plan of attack has been overwhelmingly unsuccessful (based on results).

I think it's time to put on the Depends big-girl panties, call the other parents, and force them to parent through this situation too.

~*~
(7/365) 

13 comments:

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

OH man Dana... you handled this perfectly...but now you MUST get the other parents into this. I agree, no way the GF mom knows..no way. No way did she go to the doctor...

Stay strong Dana...make sure Cam is protected from something that may not be his situation...Buy the boy condoms!!!!!

kristi said...

Yes her parents need to know.

Annifer Tookel said...

I would suggest calling mom and making plans to meet her face to face. It's not really something you wanna tell someone over the phone. I know you are beyond stressed over this and you are handling the situation so very well. I love that you are willing to help her, but not make your son take the responsibility until you are sure. I'm always around if you want to vent or chat. I fucking love you hard.

UzzyB said...

Dana, you SO need to tell her mom what she's been up too. I don't think she's preggo...too many flags for that, but the mom needs to know if true or false. Mainly to 'save' Cam.

Dana said...

Vinny "Bond" Marini, I know there is no way out of making the calls, but DAMN I don't want to! And I've been buying the boy condoms for 2 years, but apparently this is the first girl who persuaded him to NOT use one. And yes, we've had a talk about that as I am concerned that she might not be pregnant but is telling him that she is in order to get him to NOT use a condom again!

kristi, I know they do, just don't want to make the call.

Dana said...

Annifer Tookel, GAHHHHH! It's going to be difficult enough over the phone. If I had my way I'd send her an email ... or post it to her facebook wall. Kidding ... maybe!!

UzzyB, I don't want to believe she is, but wonder if that's denial or logical conclusion. Either way, I do need to make the call to her mom.

I'm With Stupid said...

So, my first reaction to this is to say "God I'm glad I don't have kids." Which isn't the most considerate thing to say, but it is honest. ha

You've GOT to talk to her parents. There's no way around it. She HAS to take a pregnancy test for you or them to confirm it.

Jay

Dana said...

IWS-Jay, I am the poster child for the "Wrap it or this could be you!" campaign. I didn't get the kid who offered me a lifetime of enjoyment. Don't get me wrong - I do love him - but HOLY FUCK!!!

And Mike will be happy to read all of the "You have to tell her parents" comments as he has been nagging ... errrrr ... encouraging me to do that for the past week.

Another Suburban Mom said...

Dana- Everyone who said you need to tell the parents is right. I would also insist on a test before you agree to pay 1/2 the cost. (After all it takes two to tango- so 1/2 should be plenty.) Hopefully this experience will scare Cam straight and get him to keep the Caminator covered at all times.

jana said...

::sigh:: it's time for her mom to know. it's quite obvious that she doesn't. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this.

Mike said...

What a bunch a crap this is turning into. Call the parents.

Susan said...

Just another saying to call her parents. Why should you have to suffer alone with this?

Susan said...

Sorry, I published by mistake. If it were my daughter, I'd be furious if someone knew my daughter might be pregnant and didn't tell me.

Of course, I'm a psycho, I check her bathroom to make sure the tampons are disappearing. Hopefully, I'd know!